dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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