I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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