Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
