no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize