i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Two words: blizzard sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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