I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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