I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
