Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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