he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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