I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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