whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
