Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
