Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
