I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
