Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
