I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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