I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
