Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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