My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Randomize
