You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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