the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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