Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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