just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
