you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
