I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
