Welp...herpes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
