i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
