She is in my trunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
