hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
