Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
