Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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