I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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