the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
