North Korea, Best Korea!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
