Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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