And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
