there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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