woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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