found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
