dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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