he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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