ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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