cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
