it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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