she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
