i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
