Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
