She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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