just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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