turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
