remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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