the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
