And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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