I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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