I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
