dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
