I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
