If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
