theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize