it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
