yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
