have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize