i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize