Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
