I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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