Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
