we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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