I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
