Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor

(248): View more from Michigan

Its my greatest physical accomplishment

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(678): View more from Georgia

If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

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(518): View more from New York

I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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(951): View more from California

Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

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(765): View more from Indiana

We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose

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(380): View more from Ohio

She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time

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(903): View more from Texas

I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone

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(386): View more from Florida

He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is

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(765): View more from Indiana

When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol

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