Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
