I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
