Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
