So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
