Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
