i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
