just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
