tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
