Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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