When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
