And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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