RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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