the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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