You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
