Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
