Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
