I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
