it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
